regular and frequent press briefings and conspiracy theories about the blasts probe bulldoze their way into the pages and prime times of newspapers and tv channels... and into our lives too...
victims, dead bodies, injured, fears, courage, memories, tears are a passe now...
kuchh din to baso merii aa.Nkho.n me.n
kuchh din to baso merii aa.Nkho.n me.n
phir Khvaab agar ho jaao to kyaa
koii rang to do mere chehare ko
phir zaKhm agar mahakaao to kyaa
ik aaiinaa thaa so TuuT gayaa
ab Khud se agar sharmaao to kyaa
mai.n tanahaa thaa mai.n tanahaa huu.N
tum aao to kyaa na aao to kyaa
jab ham hii na mahake phir saahib
tum baad-e-sabaa kahalaao to kyaa
jab dekhane vaalaa koii nahii.n
bujh jaao to kyaa jal jaao to kyaa
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
dukh fasaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
does it make any difference putting down my experiences? to me? to others? to others who i talk about? i have always been proud of myself for being an optimist. but questions and more questions are fast clouding any glimmer possible. i am not talking about the media, the politicians or the police. this is no generic statement or studied observation. it is just me.
11/7/2006 : i left office early, went to churchgate station to find that the trains were not working. heard about unconfirmed reports of a blast at khar. since the only way to confirm is to go and check, i started making my way in a cab. the cabwalla gave up on the traffic at about 815 just before shivaji park, dadar. phones were gone. (i still maintain, when in need, they dont work) i hitched, once, twice, thrice that evening or rather night. first i asked a taxi carrying three men to drop me as far they could. being chivalrous (in that chaos!) they even squeezed themselves at the backseat giving me the spacious front seat. the taxi was taking bylanes and i had to reach matunga road station wher the blast had occured. i got off somewhere near mahim (it ofcourse rains as soon as get off anything!) and hitched another ride from the main road. It was a maruti van whch had just dropped a big family of burqa clad women. the driver said he was only dropping women and one more woman who had walked from santa cruz got in. another one got in, then got off and then wondered and then decided she could not trust a private vehicle and continued waiting at the bus stop.
at matunga road on the tracks the train stood helpless and shocked with its middle compartment blown up. people, police were active. bodies had been taken out, the numbers varied. residents of the area were managing the traffic, women were standing on the road asking women if they wanted to stay there, eat, rest, use the bathroom, whatever. men were stopping cars and getting women in. i got into one such cool cab, in which a newly married couple was getting to the airport. as i was trying to call in the report, i was speaking to people, sharing information and shock at the same time. i reached parle and reached cooper hospital.
another chaos - bloody, tearry. people looking for people. people entering the partition to identify the mangled bodies. volunteers guiding people. some bringing water and biscuits for doctors and nurses. a board displays 28 unknown bodies with their approximate age. as people identify the "unknown" is crossed out and due name filled. one corner is a heap of bodies that could not separated. there is fresh blood on stretchers. i cant wait any longer. i have to send my report before 1215. i am home at 1 am. as i stared at the ceiling and the night dark blue sky, when questions became sobs and tears, i do not remember. and when sobs became fitful sleep...
12/7/2006: i do a feature assignment as fixed a week back. that i do an ordinary job of it, is not surprising. am back to cooper and then v n desai. hardly any patients. all well to do first class passengers have been shifted by their relatives to private hospitals. i speak to a 12th standard science student who got late because of his practicals. he is recovering but his dad's eyes fill up every few minutes. another woman is waiting for her husband to start speaking. he is ok but refuses to speak. they are survivors who escaped with curable injuries. they are lucky. the story and the deed of the day is done.
13/7/2006: am in cooper again. today i find my way around (which is an achievement!) and also convince the doctors to take me to the wards. my other freind from the media passes out while talking to the patients. he had not eaten or slept last three days. occupational hazards. another guy who first went to a private clinic is requesting for admission in cooper. his face and arm is hurt. long live municipal hospitals.
i go looking for group cremations. this time i dont find my way around and cannot locate the crematorium. i have a phone fight with cops who refuse to give complete information. the cremations have happened the previous day. i write a "blast update." that is what it is now.
14/7/2006: i do my feature story. we are discussing possible arrests. pak hand. LeT involvement. combing operations start. and speculations. and the circus.
15/7/2006: people are rounded up. muslim pockets. i visit mahim and talk to people who are upset that they are being punished for helping people on the 11th. police deny that it was related to blasts. 400 cops working all night to arrest people charged with electricity theft. right...
16/7/2006: sunday... i get my off. i am not complaining. i need to buy EVERYTHING for the house. oil, rice, dal, veggies, atta, toothpaste, the works... normal life is slapped on me with a vengeance...
a week later everything is thinning - that piercing pain, that sleepless fatigue, that anger. is that all it takes? to get "back on track?" we have four arrests and all our neighbours allegedly have a hand - pakistan, bangladesh, nepal etcetera... of course they are all linked with lashkar-e-toiba... and ex-simi...
with amarsingh, modi, saamana articles, came religion and politics. so where is the space for common man's ordinary tears when we have vips to visit and cover and criticise. pressure mounts in assembly too. the police are trying to sound confident about the way investigation is going. of course it is "premature to comment."
am not convinced about the investigation... considering 93 verdict is still on its way.. does it make any difference now? fact remains that the blasts happened. 181 (thats the figure now) died. it is a horrifying conspiracy. and the investigation and the trial that follows perhaps will be more horrifying. have people forgotten khwaja yunus? and that we still have no trace of dawood - who allegedly is behind everything that has gone wrong in bombay... anyway, we could not prevent loss of innocent lives...
i wonder if that man who stopped talking has found a voice...
dukh fasaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
ahmed faraz
dukh fasaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
dil bhii maanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
aaj tak apanii bekalii kaa sabab
Khud bhii jaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
ek tuu harf_aashnaa thaa magar
ab zamaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
be-tarah dil hai aur tujh se
dostaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
ai Khudaa dard-e-dil hai baKhshish-e-dost
aab-o-daanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
11/7/2006 : i left office early, went to churchgate station to find that the trains were not working. heard about unconfirmed reports of a blast at khar. since the only way to confirm is to go and check, i started making my way in a cab. the cabwalla gave up on the traffic at about 815 just before shivaji park, dadar. phones were gone. (i still maintain, when in need, they dont work) i hitched, once, twice, thrice that evening or rather night. first i asked a taxi carrying three men to drop me as far they could. being chivalrous (in that chaos!) they even squeezed themselves at the backseat giving me the spacious front seat. the taxi was taking bylanes and i had to reach matunga road station wher the blast had occured. i got off somewhere near mahim (it ofcourse rains as soon as get off anything!) and hitched another ride from the main road. It was a maruti van whch had just dropped a big family of burqa clad women. the driver said he was only dropping women and one more woman who had walked from santa cruz got in. another one got in, then got off and then wondered and then decided she could not trust a private vehicle and continued waiting at the bus stop.
at matunga road on the tracks the train stood helpless and shocked with its middle compartment blown up. people, police were active. bodies had been taken out, the numbers varied. residents of the area were managing the traffic, women were standing on the road asking women if they wanted to stay there, eat, rest, use the bathroom, whatever. men were stopping cars and getting women in. i got into one such cool cab, in which a newly married couple was getting to the airport. as i was trying to call in the report, i was speaking to people, sharing information and shock at the same time. i reached parle and reached cooper hospital.
another chaos - bloody, tearry. people looking for people. people entering the partition to identify the mangled bodies. volunteers guiding people. some bringing water and biscuits for doctors and nurses. a board displays 28 unknown bodies with their approximate age. as people identify the "unknown" is crossed out and due name filled. one corner is a heap of bodies that could not separated. there is fresh blood on stretchers. i cant wait any longer. i have to send my report before 1215. i am home at 1 am. as i stared at the ceiling and the night dark blue sky, when questions became sobs and tears, i do not remember. and when sobs became fitful sleep...
12/7/2006: i do a feature assignment as fixed a week back. that i do an ordinary job of it, is not surprising. am back to cooper and then v n desai. hardly any patients. all well to do first class passengers have been shifted by their relatives to private hospitals. i speak to a 12th standard science student who got late because of his practicals. he is recovering but his dad's eyes fill up every few minutes. another woman is waiting for her husband to start speaking. he is ok but refuses to speak. they are survivors who escaped with curable injuries. they are lucky. the story and the deed of the day is done.
13/7/2006: am in cooper again. today i find my way around (which is an achievement!) and also convince the doctors to take me to the wards. my other freind from the media passes out while talking to the patients. he had not eaten or slept last three days. occupational hazards. another guy who first went to a private clinic is requesting for admission in cooper. his face and arm is hurt. long live municipal hospitals.
i go looking for group cremations. this time i dont find my way around and cannot locate the crematorium. i have a phone fight with cops who refuse to give complete information. the cremations have happened the previous day. i write a "blast update." that is what it is now.
14/7/2006: i do my feature story. we are discussing possible arrests. pak hand. LeT involvement. combing operations start. and speculations. and the circus.
15/7/2006: people are rounded up. muslim pockets. i visit mahim and talk to people who are upset that they are being punished for helping people on the 11th. police deny that it was related to blasts. 400 cops working all night to arrest people charged with electricity theft. right...
16/7/2006: sunday... i get my off. i am not complaining. i need to buy EVERYTHING for the house. oil, rice, dal, veggies, atta, toothpaste, the works... normal life is slapped on me with a vengeance...
a week later everything is thinning - that piercing pain, that sleepless fatigue, that anger. is that all it takes? to get "back on track?" we have four arrests and all our neighbours allegedly have a hand - pakistan, bangladesh, nepal etcetera... of course they are all linked with lashkar-e-toiba... and ex-simi...
with amarsingh, modi, saamana articles, came religion and politics. so where is the space for common man's ordinary tears when we have vips to visit and cover and criticise. pressure mounts in assembly too. the police are trying to sound confident about the way investigation is going. of course it is "premature to comment."
am not convinced about the investigation... considering 93 verdict is still on its way.. does it make any difference now? fact remains that the blasts happened. 181 (thats the figure now) died. it is a horrifying conspiracy. and the investigation and the trial that follows perhaps will be more horrifying. have people forgotten khwaja yunus? and that we still have no trace of dawood - who allegedly is behind everything that has gone wrong in bombay... anyway, we could not prevent loss of innocent lives...
i wonder if that man who stopped talking has found a voice...
dukh fasaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
ahmed faraz
dukh fasaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
dil bhii maanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
aaj tak apanii bekalii kaa sabab
Khud bhii jaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
ek tuu harf_aashnaa thaa magar
ab zamaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
be-tarah dil hai aur tujh se
dostaanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
ai Khudaa dard-e-dil hai baKhshish-e-dost
aab-o-daanaa nahii.n ke tujh se kahe.n
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
kahii.n to kaaravaan-e-dard kii ma.nzil Thahar jaaye
people are scared and people are not scared.
they are worried, shocked, sad, fed up, and grief stricken. they are still looking for their loved ones in mangled bodies.
shit happens and shit keeps happening. some react, some don't. some reactions are positive, like helping people. some are bitter like venomous outbursts about killing more. people are missing. people are coming home.
blame game, conspiracy theories, "i did this and that" speeches, political mileage, all this and more started at 630 pm 11/7. media played its part - voyeuristic, sensitive, sensational, traumatised, informative, advocating ... so did politicians, police,railways. it was absolutely commendable that western railway was on track within hours of the tragedy. people will talk for a long time to come - their sorrow, disappointment about the government, the police, their luck, good and bad. in trains, in buses, on the road, at home, college canteens, temples, mosques, schools, offices - everywhere, all the time.
and the spirit, which everyone keeps loving or hating is nothing. it is helpless people clinging together. it is what helped me reach from one place to the other and to the other and back. safe.it is when strangers forget their safety, certainty, priority to feed and reach other people home. spirit is what they have been used to, forced to, and now their ultimate belief.
after all the tears, discussions, debates, cases, arrests, work, memories, prayers, compensations, fights, we will all go to bed wondering restlessly, why, why, why???
Faiz Ahmed Faiz
kahii.n to kaaravaan-e-dard kii ma.nzil Thahar jaaye
kinaare aa lage umr-e-ravaa.N yaa dil Thahar jaaye
amaa.N kaisii ki mauj-e-Khuu.N abhii sar se nahii.n guzarii
guzar jaaye to shaayad baazuu-e-qaatil Thahar jaaye
ko_ii dam baadabaan-e-kashtii-e-sahabaa ko tah rakho
zaraa Thaharo Gubaar-e-Khaatir-e-mahafil Thahar jaaye
hamaarii Khamoshii bas dil se lab tak ek vaqfaa hai
ye tuufaa.N hai jo pal bhar bas lab-e-saahil Thahar jaaye
nigaah-e-mu.ntazir kab tak karegii aa_iinaaba.ndii
kahii.n to dasht-e-Gam me.n yaar kaa mahamil Thahar jaaye
they are worried, shocked, sad, fed up, and grief stricken. they are still looking for their loved ones in mangled bodies.
shit happens and shit keeps happening. some react, some don't. some reactions are positive, like helping people. some are bitter like venomous outbursts about killing more. people are missing. people are coming home.
blame game, conspiracy theories, "i did this and that" speeches, political mileage, all this and more started at 630 pm 11/7. media played its part - voyeuristic, sensitive, sensational, traumatised, informative, advocating ... so did politicians, police,railways. it was absolutely commendable that western railway was on track within hours of the tragedy. people will talk for a long time to come - their sorrow, disappointment about the government, the police, their luck, good and bad. in trains, in buses, on the road, at home, college canteens, temples, mosques, schools, offices - everywhere, all the time.
and the spirit, which everyone keeps loving or hating is nothing. it is helpless people clinging together. it is what helped me reach from one place to the other and to the other and back. safe.it is when strangers forget their safety, certainty, priority to feed and reach other people home. spirit is what they have been used to, forced to, and now their ultimate belief.
after all the tears, discussions, debates, cases, arrests, work, memories, prayers, compensations, fights, we will all go to bed wondering restlessly, why, why, why???
Faiz Ahmed Faiz
kahii.n to kaaravaan-e-dard kii ma.nzil Thahar jaaye
kinaare aa lage umr-e-ravaa.N yaa dil Thahar jaaye
amaa.N kaisii ki mauj-e-Khuu.N abhii sar se nahii.n guzarii
guzar jaaye to shaayad baazuu-e-qaatil Thahar jaaye
ko_ii dam baadabaan-e-kashtii-e-sahabaa ko tah rakho
zaraa Thaharo Gubaar-e-Khaatir-e-mahafil Thahar jaaye
hamaarii Khamoshii bas dil se lab tak ek vaqfaa hai
ye tuufaa.N hai jo pal bhar bas lab-e-saahil Thahar jaaye
nigaah-e-mu.ntazir kab tak karegii aa_iinaaba.ndii
kahii.n to dasht-e-Gam me.n yaar kaa mahamil Thahar jaaye
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
ik kaifiyat...
waiting is an art, and waiting patiently is a gift.
waiting patiently with a smile is a rarity.
waiting patiently,
endlessly,
cheerfully,
is a flight of fancy, it is not real.
yet so real. so true. so everyday.
different waits that are on at the moment...
trains to start, rains to stop, work to finish, and fun to start.
am waiting for captain jack and corporate.
am waiting for some real kick ass work to happen. it wont unless i stop waiting and start doing!
am actually waiting for football finals hopefully between france and italy... to get over... so that i allow myself some sleep...
am waiting for the disaster management cell to pick up the damn phone! am waiting for the day when people will spit their pan and tobacco in their own pockets! and not train windows...
am waiting for the next car design with latest feature of missing horns!
and am waiting for the trains to start...
am given no option but to wait with a smile... everyday...
waiting patiently with a smile is a rarity.
waiting patiently,
endlessly,
cheerfully,
is a flight of fancy, it is not real.
yet so real. so true. so everyday.
different waits that are on at the moment...
trains to start, rains to stop, work to finish, and fun to start.
am waiting for captain jack and corporate.
am waiting for some real kick ass work to happen. it wont unless i stop waiting and start doing!
am actually waiting for football finals hopefully between france and italy... to get over... so that i allow myself some sleep...
am waiting for the disaster management cell to pick up the damn phone! am waiting for the day when people will spit their pan and tobacco in their own pockets! and not train windows...
am waiting for the next car design with latest feature of missing horns!
and am waiting for the trains to start...
am given no option but to wait with a smile... everyday...
ik kaifiyat
hashr jaisii vo gha.Dii hotii hai
dil pe uftaad pa.Dii hotii hai
sard aaho.n kii jha.Dii hotii hai
garm ashko.n kii la.Dii hotii hai
soch raasto.n me.n ga.Dii hotii hai
hijr kii raat kaa aalam taubaa
hijr kii raat ka.Dii hotii hai
mumtaz rashid
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