mujhse pehli si mohabbat mere mehboob na mang..

sanjay dutt got sentenced to six years. as opposed to 12 got death sentences, 20 lifers, and several more 14 years, 12 years et al. since september 12 last year. last one week was the culmination of 14 years ofcourse. the memons, sanjay dutt, end of trial, supposed justice to victims and what not. add to that july blasts, lack of rain or such pot boilers...

in the meanwhile, my cousin passed his m com. another one celebrated her birthday. my dad fell ill to be hospitalised. my sister in far away in the UK might be pregnant. "ashadhi ekadashi" went by when my family members celebrated with delicious "fast" food.. my grand parents spent another day thinking about their lives and waiting for their grand children to call them.. mom called once again to check on food, health, general wellbeing and gently (and firmly) reminding me of my duties in the family...

in the meanwhile, friends came over, had conversations, expressed concern over sanjay dutt, cricket, traffic, pakistan and pot holes... we drank some, ate some, talked some more and planned to meet again... some long lost friends came and went without managing to meet and were lost again...

then i meet a distant family member, about 35 years older, who i meet as a part of must-do duties... and voila... she has similar experiences, similar questions and slightly more baked answers than what i have... we leave it at that... we connected but we leave it at that... perhaps i have more doubts now...

the rains have started again.. but i don't call my school friend with whom i celebrated every single day of the monsoon... i instead spend my time arguing with people about existence of death sentence in our law... fasting with grand parents and feasting with friends was great fun... but now i curse myself for forgetting to book the gas and end up eating alone at cafes as i jot down some random thoughts... it was so easy to feel happy for my achievements and to sob over my failures... or lets extend it to family and friends... but spending sleepless nights for something i can't see, touch or explain seems just as effortless... and i have managed to rope in the rain and the sea in this confusing business...

those days of simple joys were beautiful.. but these days of complex sorrows are infinitely more beautiful.. and more real perhaps...

pahalii sii muhabbat

faiz ahmed faiz

mujh se pahalii sii mohabbat merii mahabuub na maa.Ng

mai.n ne samajhaa thaa ki tuu hai to daraKhshaa.N hai hayaat
teraa Gam hai to Gam-e-dahar kaa jhaga.Daa kyaa hai
terii suurat se hai aalam me.n bahaaro.n ko sabaat
terii aa.Nkho.n ke sivaa duniyaa me.n rakkhaa kyaa hai (*)
tuu jo mil jaaye to taqadiir niguu.N ho jaaye
yuu.N na thaa mai.n ne faqat chaahaa thaa yuu.N ho jaaye
aur bhii dukh hai.n zamaane me.n mohabbat ke sivaa
raahate.n aur bhii hai.n vasl kii raahat ke sivaa

mujh se pahalii sii mohabbat merii mahabuub na maa.Ng

anaginat sadiyo.n ke taariik bahimaanaa talism
resham-o-atalas-o-kam_Khvaab me.n bunavaaye huye
jaa-ba-jaa bikate huye kuuchaa-o-baazaar me.n jism
Khaak me.n litha.De huye Khuun me.n nahalaaye huye
jism nikale huye amaraaz ke tannuuro.n se
piip bahatii hu_ii galate huye naasuuro.n se
lauT jaatii hai udhar ko bhii nazar kyaa kiije
ab bhii dil_kash hai teraa husn maGar kyaa kiije
aur bhii dukh hai.n zamaane me.n mohabbat ke sivaa
raahate.n aur bhii hai.n vasl kii raahat ke sivaa

mujh se pahalii sii mohabbat merii mahabuub na maa.Ng


[daraKhshaa.N : shining; hayaat = life]
[Gam-e-dahar = sorrows of the world; aalam = world]
[sabaat = permanence; niguu.N = bow/subservient]
[faqat = merely; vasl = union/meeting; taariik = dark]
[bahiimaanaa = dreadful; talism = magic]
[resham = silk; atalas = satin; kam_Khvaab = brocade]
[jaa-ba-jaa = hither-thither; litha.De = covered/soaked in]
[amaraaz = diseases; tannuuro.n = ovens; piip = pus]
[naasuur = ulcer/a wound that won't heal; dil_kash = heart-warming]

rahen na rahen hum...mehka karenge...

veena, someone who signs her name with a prominent towering V, a practising psychologist who worked for a suicide helpline, someone who seems to have gathered her thoughts very early in life.. someone i have never met, will never meet, someone who has touched the lives of some of the most genuine people i know, someone who died like many many thousands in a mishap ten years ago...

for veena, her friends have started Vee foundation, which will try to make a difference in its own way... a thought which has crystalised over two years to do something, which would have made veena proud... Vee foundation has collected rs.50 from some people... the total will add up to a moderate amount.. the idea is to fund a child's education, to start with...

there are no strategies, agendas, promises... but everyone will try in their own way to make this into a creative, sensitive, productive endeavour... kyunki koshish hi kamyaab hoti hai.. vaade aksar toot jate hain.. koshish hi kaamyaab hoti hai... as diaphanous would quote from some gulzar, i suppose..

i have only interacted with some of her friends and heard about her once in a while... i dont know her but sometimes i feel i do know her... and many times i feel i don't really need to know her... coz i have seen how she is thought of, remembered, missed... like memory of that beautiful shower in july as u turn your old diaries and see those dried drops... it's not the dried drops u see, its the gush that fills up your heart.. it's not the absence we painfully live with, it's the presence we celebrate...

rahen na rahen hum...
mehka karenge...
banke kali, banke sama
baag-e-wafa mein...

jab hum na honge aur hamari khaak pe tum rukoge
chalte chalte...
ashkonse bhigi chandni mein..
ek sadasi sunoge...
chalte chalte...
wahin pe kahin, wahin pe kahin...
tumse milenge...
banke kali... banke sama, baag-e-wafa mein...

kyuu.N hame.n maut ke paiGaam diye jaate hai.n

been covering the 1993 blasts judgment. since yesterday there have been six death sentences. the moment judge announced first death sentence, television reporters ran, rushed, scurried to "break the news." anyway. death sentence. for some people who planted vehicle bombs which killed 257 and injured 700 on march 12 1993. it has been 14 years. then there were interviews of victims families saying whether justice has been done now or not. justice? really?

if my dad is killed in a blast should i wait for somebody else's father to be killed? will it be as simple as that? then do i wish death for every reckless driver who mows down people. every careless person who sells contaminated milk from which little children die? every country liquor maker who is responsible for several hooch tragedies? death for every irresponsible, insensitive, angry action or reaction. death sentence. really?

hindu muslim divide. animosity of over 60 years. politically driven riots, attacks, demolitions, combing operations, shri krishna commission, interrogations, innocent deaths, not so innocent deaths,divide, hindu muslim, dalit brahmin, marathi non marathi, poverty, reaction, action, mob psychology, minority, majority, left leaning, right wingers, socialists, human rights, pending love stories, patient wait, impatient outbursts, 14 years, seven more blasts, hundreds more killed, many more trials, interrogations, acquittals, custodial death, national security, encounters, press conferences, chargesheets, probation applications, mercy petitions, exposes, scoops, defamation, allah, bhagwan, god, daughters, jobs, smuggling, changing times, not so changing times, fresh blood, stale tears, friendly cops, not so friendly cops, pakistan, ISI, LeT, Al Qaida, VHP, Sena, RSS, Bajrang Dal, prime conspirators, masterminds, petitioners, convicted, accused, suspects, people, human beings, all of them, victims and convicted and spectators, all of them, citizens of free india, really?

endless interactions with the these guys over several years makes everything more confusing. can a system forgive someone who commits a "heinous crime" but will not in future? can someone in power ensure that such circumstances do not arise that easily - be it security, intelligence or pure harmony?

in the world of grey and more grey, a stark, sure, confident, finite, death sentence. really?

kyuu.N hame.n maut ke paiGaam diye jaate hai.n
shamim jaipuri

kyuu.N hame.n maut ke paiGaam diye jaate hai.n
ye sazaa kam hai ke jiye jaate hai.n

nashaa dono.n me.n hai saaqii mujhe Gam de yaa sharaab
mai bhii pii jaatii hai aa.Nsuu bhii piye jaate hai.n

ek tuu hai ke hamaarii nahii.n tujh ko parvaa
ek ham hai.n ke teraa naam liye jaate hai.n

zindagii apanii kashaakash me.n guzaratii hai "Shamim"
jii nahii.n chaahataa jiine ko jiye jaate hai.n

[kashaakash = struggle]

shaayad abhii hai raakh me.n ko_ii sharaar bhii

one of those absolutely ordinary days... usual "to-do" on agenda, usual delays, usual dash of rain while getting into an auto, usual musings and more dozings (that's my latest contribution to this lovely phirang language!), usual honking and usual actually-looking-at-nothing-wait at the station road in bandra... until a flash of purple from a "nothing-new-about-it"grey and brown, a purple coffin in the making...

i have never really noticed this little undertakes shop which sits between hardware, eateries, electricians, this and that.. i still dont know what the other shops are... i don't know if this shop makes coffins regularly and in the colours that i saw... or was it this death, this coffin, this moment...

against a drip drip of bored rain, against a khit khit of weary crowd, against a grey and brown of hectic helpless dragging of time, some death seemed so purple-pink-violet, so colourful, so hopeful and yes, so full of life...

as my auto zoomed past that turn and as the adventurous pothole dash brought me back to the bored rain, weary crowd and dreary brown, the guys were busy getting the purple coffin ready... i quizzed a watery tear and a half choke if heaven is supposed to be starry pure bleach whie or purple-pink-violet... may this soul rest in peace...

shaayad abhii hai raakh me.n ko_ii sharaar bhii

ada jafri

shaayad abhii hai raakh me.n ko_ii sharaar bhii
kyo.n varnaa intazaar bhii hai iztiraar bhii
[sharaar = spark; iztiraar = restlessness]
dhyaan aa gayaa hai marg-e-dil-e-naamuraad kaa
milane ko mil gayaa hai sukuu.N bhii qaraar bhii
[marg-e-dil-e-naamuraad = death of an unsuccessful/unlucky heart]
ab Dhuu.NDhane chale ho musaafir ko dosto
hadd-e-nigaah tak na rahaa jab Gubaar bhii
[hadd-e-nigaah = (to the) limits of one's vision]
har aastaa.N pe naasiyaa_farsaa hai.n aaj vo
jo kal na kar sake the teraa intazaar bhii
[aastaa.N = threshold; naasiyaa_farsaa = one who rubs his forehead]
[ik raah ruk ga_ii to ThiThak kyo.n ga_ii 'Ada'
aabaad bastiyaa.N hai.n pahaa.Do.n ke paar bhii